The world’s suit-wearing population — which includes government leaders and bureaucrats, corporate executives, religious leaders, and conservatives — requested today that people trust them.

“Look at my suit,” said a banking CEO at a press conference for the announcement. “It’s worth thousands. I’m clearly a man whose words should be strictly adhered to.”

Editorialists and pundits widely supported the request, although a fierce debate has erupted over whether blue ties or red ties are more trustworthy.

However, some political extremists and terrorists have criticized the announcement. According to one freedom-hater, “suit-wearing can be a good indicator of corruption, elitism, lack of substance, or the peddling of propaganda designed to internalize classism or intolerant dogma.”

“That’s a ridiculous notion,” countered a highly respectable suit-wearer as he stepped out of his limousine. “Why? Because the jean-toting people who make those dangerous statements are probably too filled with hate to own even one suit. Feel this suit. It’s silk. If I can afford to feel this good, you should probably trust my opinion.”