George Orwell’s 1984, a story about systems of control and propaganda, had some important mottos: “War Is Peace. Ignorance Is Strength. Freedom Is Slavery.”

Google, Inc. had a motto, too: “You can make money without doing evil.”

At times, it seemed Google, which revolutionized the internet, would stay true its word. But in a shocking joint announcement today, Google founders Sergey Brin and Larry Page radically changed course, proclaiming: “We’re Evil, Suckers!” Brin and Page pointed to an overwhelming heap of evidence to support their claim, including:

• Googling the phrase “google is evil” (in quotes) returns 12,400 hits, putting it between Wal-mart (18,400) and Halliburton (521).
• Google’s privacy policy is so bad and potentially dangerous that the New York Times wrote an angry editorial about it.
• Sergey Brin and Larry Page have a combined fortune of roughly $14 billion. Could any non-evil people possibly hoard that much money while billions of people worldwide are struggling for food?
• According to the New York Times, Google stores all its search data forever, meaning your searches can conceivably be traced to you and used against you in court.
• Google, Inc. is worth $121.5 billion. If money is power, and power corrupts, then by the logic law of syllogism, Google, Inc. must be entirely villainous by now.
• Gmail, Google, Inc.’s email program, reads the contents of its users’ private messages and targets them with relevant advertisements.

Faced with the reality of Google, Inc.’s evilness, the Bush Administration promised increased corporate tax cuts. “Without the burden of paying taxes, the ‘invisible hand’ of the free market will guide Google back to goodness.”